THE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING BOUNDARIES AND LEARNING HOW TO SAY ‘NO’
Popular culture has often pushed the ‘yes man’ mindset. That we should say yes to things more often to truly embrace life to the fullest. However, saying yes does not always act in our favour. Sometimes, saying no is the best form of self-care you can take. Saying no is empowering. Saying no is implementing a boundary, that says “I value myself at this moment.”
Creating firm, long-lasting boundaries in any relationship is not only important for your mental health and wellbeing, but also the health and longevity of your relationships.
Every relationship – whether that be with your children, your parents, your friends, your romantic partner, your colleagues – is give and take. Boundaries are broken when one person in the relationship exceeds their own ‘giving’ limit. By giving too much of your time to another person, by being too available to them, by never receiving anything back, by being taken for granted – these are all examples of when boundaries are broken.
Any relationship is a transaction in some form, a transaction of love, of company, of support. But when the transaction is more often than not a one-way street, you can be left feeling burnt out by the other person in the relationship, which can ultimately lead to breakdowns, breakups and miscommunications.
If someone else pushes you too far, they will break the invisible boundary. Implementing sustainable boundaries is not always an easy task, and identifying when boundaries have been broken is even more difficult.
Clear and open communication is the key to setting successful boundaries and creating a level of respect within your relationships. If you find it difficult to identify which relationships in your life need to go back to the boundary line drawing board, ask yourself these questions.
Who/what do I always find myself saying ‘yes’ to when I know deep down I should be saying ‘no’ to?
Who do I often prioritise over myself? Whose needs am I putting before my own?
This question can be difficult, especially if you are a parent or a primary caregiver for others. Instead, perhaps identify the key areas of these peoples’ lives that you give your most time and energy to.
What is my biggest fear surrounding the answer ‘no’?
Who do I think I will disappoint in setting these boundaries?
By answering these questions, it may come as a shock to you as to who in your life continually breaks boundaries. Not every relationship will have equally weighted boundaries – especially in parental/child relationships. But by setting appropriate, achievable boundaries (whether that be by actually stating them to the other person or by simply noting them down for yourself) you are putting yourself and your mental health first.
Need some deeper support with your boundaries? Or want to understand why boundaries are difficult for you? You can work with me for a 1:1 RTT package here, or join the Higher Ground Hypnosis Library to access the Boundaries audio recording there.
