ON GRATITUDE

Sometimes I struggle with the way gratitude is presented in the self-help world. 

I find gratitude lists can sometimes feel forced or tokenistic. It can also sometimes feel like you are denying the reality of your feelings, situation or past. That you should keep those negative feelings buried deep down and fix them with a layer of positivity*. 

*nb: please don’t do this. Please explore your feelings and past, don’t bury it down and pretend it doesn’t exist… the rug keeps getting bigger and bigger until you eventually trip over it and hurt yourself even more!

So why does everyone talk so much about gratitude? 

Studies have shown that when we express gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the neurotransmitters responsible for happiness. It has been shown to improve our health, improve our relationships at home and at work and help us regulate anxiety. 

In my own experience, this feels true. The happier I am, the more grateful I feel – the more grateful I am, the happier I feel.

It sounds great in theory, but when we are moving through grief or a big transition when we didn’t land that job or opportunity that we had our heart set on, or we are going through a rough patch in a relationship, it can be difficult to stay in a space of gratitude. 

So how can we start to cultivate more gratitude (where all the sweet stuff lies) if we don’t resonate with gratitude lists, or when our reality or current situation doesn’t feel that great?  

IMAGINE WHAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IS IN THE PAST

Is there something (anything) about the situation that you’ll miss one day? Is there any part of right now that you might feel nostalgic for in the future? This can be an easy thought when you have little kids but can also be applied to other things too.

e.g. If you are currently seeking love, is there a chance you’ll miss this extra time with yourself or girlfriends once you are coupled up?

SAVOUR THE THINGS YOU LOVE

When reflecting on what your future self could potentially feel nostalgic for, once you identify these elements of your current situation, savour and value them. These are the little bursts of joy that you will long for in the future, so why not embrace and prioritise them in your present? 

FOCUS MORE ON NATURE

Focusing on nature can help remind us that the world is so much bigger than the issue our mind wants to keep focusing on. We can do this in simple ways every day. 

e.g Instead of sitting at the table, take your tea or coffee outside and look up at the clouds or pop your bare feet on the grass if you have some close by, or water the plants for five minutes just as the sun is setting and appreciate the change in the sky.

WRITE SOME THANK YOU EMAILS OR CARDS

I love this one, it really activates my heart and gets me straight into the feel-good gratitude mood. It not only boosts you but the person receiving it feels appreciated too. It’s a win-win. 

So next time you feel stuck or want to flip into that state of appreciation and gratitude, try one of the four steps. Each step has the same end goal and effect as writing a gratitude list, the action may just be a little easier.